evergreenmp3.jpgYes, folks, it’s finally happened. Technology has gotten so cheap that we can now put out MP3 players like the screenless Evergreen USB 2.0 player with SD card support for as little as ten bucks. What can we expect from this point on?

With the cost of chips down, expect that the government will soon mass order memory storage chips for the entire population of the United States with the sole purpose of tracking each and every single human being’s whereabouts and financial rating. After instituting a clause in a soon-to-be-passed law, all citizens will be required to purchase “smart cards” for identification. Only these cards will be smarter than you intially expect.

As you sleep, these cards will release an army of microscopic nanites that will infiltrate your bloodstream and embed themselves in every part of your body. Via the power of suggestion and the unholy psychic gift of David Blaine, these nanites will eventually control every decision you make. It will also establish a conduit between you and the central government computer, which will come to be known by the future children of the Alpha-Caheedras War as Brain A. Brain A will, thanks to funding from the ASPCA and the Fox Network, influence your thought processes, thereby coercing you into watching reruns of “Lost” and dressing your pets up as cute anime characters. Then, once the entire country is awash in Shepard Mania and cosplaying animals, they will declare a Machiavellian state of government so rigid that laws will exist requiring every child born be named “George” and that everyone only be allowed to make left turns.

This is the way it will be, and it will be glorious.

[Via Gizmodo]