If January’s taught us anything, it’s to never make a resolution you don’t have the willpower to support. That said, we can’t promise to deliver more insightful, intelligent commentary; we can’t say we won’t coerce you to buy our junk so we can pay for more newspapers to wrap around ourselves; and we won’t be able to, no matter how hard we try, think of you as swelling cash cows just waiting to be milked.

We’re really nice though. Can we have some money? Uh…please?