‘Tis the season for office parties and sessions of Secret Santa, only now you don’t have to be the ***hole who gets the pretty blonde in your team a “For Dummies” guide as a gag gift. You can get her (or him, if you work for one of those frat parties they call outsourcing sales organizations) something cheap and interesting instead, which will not only make you look more creative than you really are (leave the innovatin’ and creatin’ to us, all right?), but will probably win you more respect you never deserved! Man, do we love you guys or what?

Nobody can resist a mouse with a little flair, although those albino ones that keep stealing your cheese and leaving crap in the wrapper do tend to get annoying after a while. So consider opting for one of these liquid mice with a fish or ducky trapped inside. Ahh, nothing says “Merry Christmas” quite like captive wildlife. Also, these USB Optical Liquid Mice ($12.99 – $14.99) are great for a brief chuckle, they’re cheap enough to chuck once they’ve worn out their cuteness, and they imply absolutely nothing about your sexual orientation. They’ve even got one with a Santa in it, which is perfect for the holidays, which means the person you give it to will have a great excuse to toss this in the garbage after the festivities are over, thereby eliminating the need for awkward disposing of frivolous gifts. What a friend you are!

Next up we have the MYMICROBOTS robots ($9.99), which would make a great gift for that officemate of yours you’d rather flip off than make happy. Why? These are microscopic robots that do nothing but sit there, and interaction with them extends no farther than squinting to get a glimpse of it. It’s like buying them air. It also makes you look like a total whiz at original gifting because no one ever expects to be given air for Christmas. Because if you really did give air as a present, even if you wrap it in nice paper and put a big bow on it, you’ll still look like a stingy assmonkey.

Finally, we have the Ring Thing ($7.99). Look familiar? The difference this time is it’s gold, which means that if you manage to field your beer-gutted, combover-sporting manager who just happens to be stuck in the gold lamé-d Seventies, you’ve already spotted yourself the perfect gift. It’ll not only give the impression that you’re kissing his dimpled buttcheeks, but it’ll hide the fact that you’re actually encouraging him to self-destruct in a shower of vomit and hops. But seriously, we don’t really ever dislike anyone that much, but it sure would be nice to give it a try anyway.