The ToteBag SQUARE, if I had to guess, would be one of today’s gadgets that will eventually lead to the obsolesence of genuine human interaction. Where would I base such a spurious claim? Let me explain: the day will come when people, say at a singles bar, will no longer have to perform idle chit-chat to determine if another individual is a proper mate for them. All they’ll have to do is bust out one of these doohickeys, plug them into the other person’s thingamajig, and if the two units glow green then furthering of the species can continue. If they glow red, they can simply shake hands and concentrate their attention on someone else more compatible.

Where did I get this future-forecasting nugget of speculation? Why, from the great Zombo, of course. He also promised that once every single grain of sand on the planet has been touched by pudding, then he’ll come back down to Earth in his spaceship and bring us all to heaven, which he said will be filled with chocolate and raspberry bonbons. All hail Zombo!

But until that day comes, you can enjoy the ToteBag SQUARE for as little as $40.